What’s up everyone. It’s me drew Manning your host of the Fit to fat to fit experience podcast. Now here on my podcast, I like to focus obviously a lot on the physical side of transformation. You know, meal plans, exercises, workouts, hacks that help people transform their body. But also you guys know from my fit to fat to fit experience that I do preach a lot on the mental and emotional side of transformation. In today’s episode, this is the first episode that I’ve ever cried. And even though you can’t see me, no one’s ever made me cry. And my guest, Christine Hassler, she made me cry. No, she wasn’t mean to me. She just said some things that really, uh, touched my heart and, you know, I’m, I’m, I feel like I’m pretty manly guy, but at the same time, I embrace vulnerability as a strength. And this is the first time that I’ve ever cracked.
Anyways, Christine Hassler, she’s a good friend of mine. You guys, she is, I’ve coached a really good life coach by the way. And, um, she has, I think she’s the author of four or five books now. Um, she’s she has a great personal story. You’re going to love her story. You’re gonna fall in love with her. Um, she leaves a bunch of seminars and workshops to audiences all over the country. She’s appeared as an expert on the today, show CNN, ABC, CBS, Fox, PBS, all kinds of other TV stations, you guys. And, um, she’s really, really good at what she does. And you guys are gonna take away a lot of valuable information, especially on the mental and emotional side of transformation, which as you guys know, that’s where the real change happens. That’s how you make this a lifestyle change instead of just saying, okay, here’s, you know, a six week program that will give you meal plans and exercises.
It’s so much more than that. Um, anyways, before we jump into the episode with Christine, let’s give a shout out to our show sponsors. So our first show sponsor is Organifi organifi.com forward slash fit fit. And you will get 20% off of all of organic products. Um, they never want a product that I love their flagship product as their powdered greens product, which tastes amazing. It’s got things like ashwagandha and turmeric, which help with inflammation and are super powerful antioxidants. And this is the one powdered greens that actually tastes good, right? So they have like, um, coconut crystals, I think coconut water and fused crystals, which make it tastes really good. Um, and so this is the only one that I’ve had people try that they actually love the taste of it, but also they just launched their plant base, organic protein, which has made with pea hemp and keenwah instead of most plant based proteins, you’ll find out there, use rice protein as a filler because cheaper, but it’s been shown to cause a lot of gut irritation.
Um, and they, they also add in whole food, uh, vitamins and minerals into the protein shake. They don’t use synthetic vitamins. It’s only a whole base, a whole food based vitamins. So they have a higher bioavailability, which means that you absorb the nutrients, the minerals and the, and that, and the federal nutrients from those whole whole food sources, eh, versus if they were synthetic. So, and they also added in five digestive enzymes, uh, each with its own purpose. And so that helps with bloating and, uh, it makes it so much easier to digest. And then they also, this is the other part I love about this protein is they add MCT oils. So healthy, fast foods keep you fuller longer. And they’re great for brain health and mental focus. And as you guys know, I’m a big fan of, of, of fats, right? Especially for mental clarity and cognitive function.
Uh, that’s why I love that organic. If I added this to their, to their, uh, plant base, uh, protein powder and it, of course it tastes really, really good. I’m not gonna lie. I’ve had a lot of plant based proteins and let’s be honest. They do not taste very good. Organifi does a really, really good job with this one. You can go to organifi.com for slash fit for 20% off. And you can use this as a meal replacement or supplement your workout with it. Or, you know, some people like, like that lift a lot like me that still like their whey protein will do. I’ll have them do a scoop of this and a scoop of whey protein, right? So you’re getting the benefits of both. So, um, that’s our first show sponsor. Our second show sponsor is my good friends over@questkito.com. Now quest Quito.
They, um, are a part of quest nutrition. As many of you guys know, quest bars had been around forever. We all love their chocolate chip cookie dough and, um, all the different flavors of quest bars that they have. But what’s so cool is they lost a line of products that are specifically for Quito, uh, which means they’re high, fat, moderate protein, low carbs. So they fit into that category, um, which, uh, and the, and the, and they make the food taste really, really good. So it’s frozen meals. Mostly they do have some snacks, I believe like crackers and, um, peanut butter, fudge cups and chocolate bars that are high fat, moderate protein, low carb. And, uh, but the frozen meals are really good. Their cinnamon roll is, is probably the best interim role I’ve ever had. Uh, they have pizzas and they have, um, muffins and they have peanut butter and jelly sandwiches that are macro or that are keto friendly. So the macros fit into the keto lifestyle. You guys. So it’s really cool. Check them out@questkito.com. And we appreciate all of our show sponsors because without them, we wouldn’t be able to do what we do. Alright, let’s go hang out with Christine Hassler
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Christine Hassler. How are you doing welcome to the show.
I’m excited to be here. Thanks for having me drew.
It’s my pleasure. Um, quick question. Did you take a nice bath today?
You may do that ice bath. I actually did do my cold shower. So the end of every shower I do about a minute, I do like 30 deep Wim Hoff technique breathing. And, uh, I, I love it. And I hate it. It’s totally a hate, love relationship.
I agree. 100%. Do people still look at you when you’re weird? When they first hear, when you, them, you take cold showers, are they like, what’s wrong with you?
Yeah. They’re like, that sounds miserable, but I tell you, it has in terms of inflammation and energy levels and all those things, it makes a big difference. And also it’s just a great way to get out of my comfort zone a little bit every day.
Yeah. I mean, I know there’s science behind it, but also the psychological, psychological effect of, of doing it every day and staying consistent and saying discipline and getting out of your comfort zone. I think, I think there’s some real benefits to that. So yes, I get total time. You’re so weird. Why are you doing this? But it does make me feel good. And honestly, adding meditation during that time is actually kind of forces me to have to focus harder than I normally would have when I’m comfortable and the air conditioning is on or the heaters on. And my body’s a perfect temperature. So anyways, that’s just some weird little hacks that you and I have in common.
I think we’re totally normal, but all this other people are weird.
Exactly. And plus he wants to be normal, right?
Oh my God. I tried to fit in and be normal and I was bored and boring.
Yes. I know. Trust me. Most of my life I’ve been trying to fit in and have people like me and it was a struggle. And so finally I’ve been able to break free and it’s so much more freedom afterwards.
That’s so true. And, and it’s not about like being a jerk, right. When we say, Oh, I don’t care if people like me, it’s not that it’s really about knowing that just like everybody doesn’t like potato salad, not everybody’s gonna like every human being. And if we try to please everybody, then the last person that we ever pleases ourselves, because they’re not being authentic. And I’ve just let, let it be okay. If some people don’t get me or like me or whatever, I mean, granted, it doesn’t feel good, but I focus more on the people that I do connect to. And that empowers me to be way more often.
Exactly. I love that quote, you know, those who, those who mattered don’t care and those who matter. No, sorry. I butchered that. I do. I feel like Tommy boy, Tommy boy, the butcher, those who matter don’t care and those who, uh, why can’t I think of this? This is so funny. Do you know what you want? I’m just trying to say
Don’t matter. Don’t care and those who matter care.
I don’t know. So those who matter don’t care, like those of you, those of those who are close to you that love you, they don’t care if you fail or you fall or you get hurt. And those people that, that don’t care that that don’t matter in your life. The ones that you know are haters or, you know, they’re not, they’re not part of your life. They’re not, they’re there to judge you, right. They they’re the ones that don’t matter. Those who care about like, you know, you seen you fall or pointing out your mistakes to you and putting you down. Those are the people that don’t matter in your life, those better than the quote. Okay. Thank you. Okay. If I can explain it, the quote sounds so much better. I will, uh, get better at those quotes like Tommy boy did and okay.
Christine Hassler, um, differ for everyone listening. She’s a life coach and I have a soft spot spot in my heart for life coaches. Cause I had one that changed my life. I’m going through my divorce. Um, a couple of years ago, um, I was, I grew up and was taught to think a certain way my entire life. And I didn’t know how to change that until I met this life coach and she totally changed my life and taught me how to she taught me how to love myself for the first time in my life. Even though I grew up in a very strict religion and it was taught about, you know, charity and love. And I just never learned the tools to love myself because I was imperfect and they couldn’t accept that. And so I love that you’re a life coach, but please share your story. Cause it’s very powerful how you became a life coach and what inspired you to, or what made you want to become a life coach?
Well, it was never planned and never something that I thought about, Hey, I’m going to go be a life coach. Because when I started, I had my first client in 2004 and life coaching is, was not as big then as it is now. And I, it, so the story is that, you know, growing up, I was blessed to grow up in a loving home. And most of my challenges happened outside my house. And the particular one I’ll talk about is just a feeling of not belonging. As, as a kid, as a little girl, I, you know, it was very self expressive and creative and got along with people. But then, and around fourth grade I started experiencing things like getting teased and getting bullied and created a story about myself that I was unlikable and something was wrong with me. And I, so all I wanted to do is fit in.
All I wanted to do is connect. All I wanted to do was just felt like I belong and be with people. And that just wasn’t my experience. And so, because I felt so less than I had to come up with a way to feel more than, and I started getting really good at school, I was like, okay, well I’ll just I’ll do this. And I became an extreme overachiever and overachieving became my compensatory strategy, which maybe we can talk a little bit about later or what compensatory strategies are. And it was very effective. And, uh, I got a lot of results on the kind of the goal line of life. And I was a straight a student and I went to a great college. And then after college, I moved out to Hollywood because if you’re really insecure with something to prove Hollywood’s perfect for that.
So I moved out to LA at 20 and because I graduated from college early, thanks to my overachieving patterns. And my thirst for success really drove me. I notice I’m using the word drove versus motivated or inspired. And I worked my way up very quickly. And by the age of 25, I had everything that I wanted. Like I had this amazing job and I had this incredible salary and I was going to the Oscars and golden Globes and had a boyfriend that ran a movie studio. And like, it was just this glamorous, amazing life, but there was this one problem I still wasn’t happy. And so it’s sort of the classic story of I’ve checked everything off the external lists, but I’m still not happy inside. Like what’s the missing link. And so I thought that it was my job. I thought that, um, maybe if I just had a different career, things would be better because I, I never really stopped.
I was on such this train of success and doing that. I never stopped just to be. And I never really thought about the question, who am I and what do I really want? And all my choices were based on what I thought they could give me or how I thought they’d make me look versus really making an intuitive heart-based decision. I was very much living in my head and not my heart. I wasn’t really connected to my intuition at the time. So I ended up resigning from my very successful career, which people thought I was crazy to do. And then in six, yeah, in six short months, I, um, went into a even deeper depression. And just as a side note, I was diagnosed with depression when I was like 11 and put on antidepressants when I was 11 years old. And so my depression got worse because my whole identity was wrapped up in what I did.
And then I was also dealing with body image issues at the time. I’m pretty sure I had, um, exercise. Bulemia like I had all kinds of body stuff. And then I got an undiagnosed bubble auto immune disorder on top of the depression. Uh, and then I was estranged from my family. Cause I made a choice that my mom didn’t agree with. Then I went to tens and thousands of dollars worth of debt. Like a lot of decks. I went from my big salary to nothing. Um, and then six months before my wedding, my fiance dumped me cold Turkey.
Gosh, this is, this is hard to hear. This is a lot dumped on you all at once.
It was, but it was amazing. And at the ripe age of 25 there, I was having my quarter life crisis. And I realized people listening right now have been through even worse things. But for me at that moment, that was my rock bottom. And I found myself on my bathroom floor one night, really contemplating whether I wanted to be alive anymore. And that was a very scary thought to have. And that night was really a pivot point for me because it was when I had my first, um, as an adult God moment. Cause I think as kids, we’re very connected to God or use the word universe source higher power, love, whatever word you want to use, but we’re very connected to something bigger than ourselves when we were little. And I think as time goes on that disconnection gets muted or severed because of what we’re told or what happens or the story we create about life or what our conditioning is.
But I had a glimpse of kind of all the love and compassion that I was looking for out there inside. And I started to feel, not think, but feel love and feel reassurance and feel compassion for myself for the first time in probably two decades. And that was enough of a moment for me to go wait a second. You know, I am laying here thinking I am the victim of all victims. And if I really look at everything, the common denominator in all of these situations is me. So I must have something to do with it. How can I figure out, you know, really what I’m learning and why this is happening for me, not to me. And then if I do, how can I help other people do the same? And so that was this commitment I made without really knowing what it meant.
But sometimes we just have those moments where we feel something and we know something, even though we don’t know the form or how, what the results going to be, that was one of those moments. And the very next day, I woke up with the idea for my first book, which was called 20 something, 20 everything, because there were other books on the quarter life crisis out there and they were great, but they were kind of more about, you know, getting a new job or finding the relationship. They were kind of the external results. And I was like, been there, done that didn’t work for me. Like I need to find a different way. So I really became vulnerable. And I started sharing about my experience and talking to other women about their experience and started having coaching circles at my house. And before the book even came out, I, um, got asked to be on a radio show.
And from that I got my first coaching client. And along the way people kept saying to me, I was actually supporting myself as a personal trainer at the time. And everybody from my personal training clients to people I interviewed for the book would say, you’re so I love talking to you. Like, how’d you Leah, you have great risk. You have great advice. You should be a coach. You should be coached. You should be coach or a counselor, a therapist. If people really didn’t have the syntax Burke coach. And so this happened enough. And, and I went to my coach at the time, Mona Miller, who is a very important person in my life. And I said, people are telling me this. And she said, yeah, I know it’s your gift. And I said, Moda, I have been coming to you for years trying to figure out my life purpose.
Like, why didn’t you tell me this? And she said, it was for you to discover, not for me to tell you. And, um, from that moment, I, I decided that I was going to really devote my life to one being my own best client and to becoming a masterful coach. So, you know, she trained me, I got certified as a coach. I got, I went late years later and got a master’s degree in spiritual psychology from the university of Santa Monica and studied all different kinds of modalities. And really, it was like the things that helped me and serve me the most were the things that I wanted to learn, how to do for my clients. So,
No, it’s an amazing story. It really isn’t that. And thank you for sharing. There’s a couple of things that stood out me that I just, I just love. And one of the things you said is, you know, instead of saying, why is this happening to me? It’s why, why is this happening for me? Right. Um, instead of looking at life or the problems you have as a victim, it’s, it’s more so taking a step back and, uh, and thinking about, okay, what can I learn from all this? Like what, how can I, how can I come out of this, um, on top instead of playing the victim for the rest of your life, which at the same time, no one would, you know, especially in some people’s situations, no one would blame you for kind of playing the victim, you know, in certain situations, but at the end of the day, if you want to take control of your life and you want to thrive, you do have to change your perception of, of looking at your problems from that perspective, like, why is this happening or it’s not happening to you, it’s happening for you?
And what can we learn from this? And so I love that. The second thing is, is, uh, I’m gonna try another quote here. I love this stuff. I know I can do it. The Tony Robbins quote, you know, um, success without fulfillment is not success. So there’s so many people that think when this happens, when I get this job or how to make this much money, or I have this amount of body fat percentage, or if I’m this skinny, then I will be happy. When at the end of the day, they realized that that does not bring success, that does not bring fulfillment or happiness in their lives. So you gotta find out what fulfills you, what brings you happiness here in the moment now, instead of saying, okay, well tomorrow when this happens, then I can be happy. And I think so many people, you know, as, as humans, we just, especially in our society nowadays, we are so focused on, on the future and we don’t really know how to learn to live in the moment.
And it’s really cool to see how you had that bathroom floor moment, you know, uh, but we all need to go through that and you know, I’ve been through that and they’re powerful. And so looking back at it during the time you probably thought life sucks. Like this is just awful. Like my life, you know, I, I, you’re just not happy. And I think some people are, are, are going through that, but here you are now in the future, looking back at it, you’re like, man, this was such a powerful learning tool. So if we could get other people to, to learn these tools before hand, they can go through these experiences and prosper more and thrive during these experiences instead of, you know, being, being put on antidepressants and you know, wanting to commit suicide, for example. Um, so I think those are the two things that stood out to me that were really powerful about your story.
Yeah. Yeah. And that’s really what motivated me to write, or it really inspired me to write expectation hangover. My last book is I really wanted to give people the tools emotionally, mentally behavioral and spiritually to one deal with any past disappointment, because the thing is like my quarter life crisis was cumulative. It was, it wasn’t just that moment. It was every kind of unprocessed hurt or rejection in my life that I just stuffed under the rug because I was really good at suppressing emotion was a big reason I struggled with depression is because I just suppress things and went into my head. And so if we have tools to deal with when life disappoints us, um, we can really leverage those disappointments so that our time between disappointment gets longer and the time we spend suffering within any expectation, hangover, disappointment, it’s short.
Yeah. You said that one of your books is expectation hangover, right? Yep. Can you talk a little bit more about what that’s about because I think I know what you’re, what, what it’s about, but I’d love for the audience to kind of understand more of the expectation. What is the expectation hangover, right?
Yeah. Well, it’s when one of three things happen, either life doesn’t go as you planned, like you launched this business and you think it’s gonna totally be successful and it just bombs, or you set a date for yourself. Like I will be married by 35 and 36 rolls around and you’re like, Hmm, still single. Or, or you do achieve a desired result. Let’s say that you release, you know, 30 pounds or a hundred pounds. And you think that that’s going to be the thing that all of a sudden gives you confidence and makes you feel better about yourself and heals everything and you lose the way, but yet you still feel that insecurity or that lack of confidence. So you achieve the result, but don’t have the feeling you thought you would, or the third kind of expectation hangover is when life just throws you an unexpected curve ball, uh, you get dumped, you lose your job, you get diagnosed with an illness, you lose someone, you love those kinds of unexpected, not so pleasant surprises.
Um, and, and really, you know, I, I notice as a coach that most people suffering comes from when their reality is not matching up to their expectations either of themselves or of life. That’s where so much of our suffering is. And I also found that in our expectation hangovers, there’s this massive opportunity for transformation and healing. I’m not just someone saying there’s a silver lining and everything, because I think when we’re in the midst of a big expectation hangover, it’s really hard to find that silver lining. And sometimes it takes years before we know the reason for something. And so we have to acknowledge that, Hey, if I just lost my job, or my wife just left me, I’m going to be upset for a little bit. Like I’m going to have emotions about that. So I definitely am not saying that, you know, if something bad happens, you’re just supposed to find the good in it right away.
I’m really saying dive into it, Malka for all it’s worth, really look at what it’s triggering, what it’s activating inside of you so that you don’t have to experience the same kind of expectation hangover all over again. Because, you know, as a coach, I noticed patterns and I noticed patterns in people. And if someone came to me and let’s say they were dealing with, you know, um, they’re, they found out their husband cheated, or their wife cheated or something like that. If I like, kind of look back this, isn’t the first time that they’ve dealt with betrayal, they’ve had a betrayal in their life. Maybe one of their parents betrayed another parent, or they felt betrayed by someone or they cheat or whatever. There’s been some kind of betrayal in their past. And it’s like this current expectation hangover is almost a result of not processing stuff from their past. So a big reason why, you know, it’s so important to not just try to push through our expectation hangovers, but really go in and go, okay, what am I learning? What is here for me to heal is so that we don’t keep kind of repeating the same patterns over and over again.
Wow. That is really powerful. That is so true. Um, I know it’s been really hard for me and I think for a lot of people to look at their expectations, cause they, cause I think expectations are molded from a variety of things. From the way they were raised to the friends they had growing up to movies, they’ve seen TV shows, books, they’ve read music. They listen to all that is, is molded by their experiences and those emotions to those experiences, um, growing up and they’re, they are powerful and it does suck when life doesn’t go as planned. And I will be the first to admit that, that it was, it sucked being divorced and telling, having to tell people about it, cause I didn’t know how to deal with it. And so I think a lot of people, you know, the, like you said, there’s three different types of expectations that we have and I’m learning how to deal with it.
I’m not saying that you can’t feel those emotions like of course, you know, um, when your business doesn’t go as planned, it sucks, you know, like that that’s a sucky feeling and it’s hard, but dealing with those emotions and working through them and knowing that this there’s a reason for that, I think can help a lot of people out in a mine, no matter what kind of problems people are going through in their life. And, um, you know, when you learn to turn your expectations in for appreciation, life is so much better. You know what I’m saying? So I know that’s one thing that has helped me out a ton. And I try and put, uh, out there for, you know, my followers or the private Facebook groups that are run to help people because people get so disappointed in themselves. If they, for example, didn’t lose, you know, five pounds in one week, for example, and this is, these are some issues that I see all the time and, and they just want to see that number on the scale go down. And it’s just a matter of changing the perception of, of not putting so much value on their relationship with gravity. For example, this is very specific, but
Well, and I’m glad you brought up that example because weight is actually something that I see a lot of my clients and people that come to retreats and stuff release because a lot of times, and you know, this, you talk about this weight is emotional baggage and it’s even protection in some way. Um, you know, like if we remember that, so yeah, well, you know, protection was, I’ll talk about the emotional baggage and then I’ll talk about the protection. So, um, emotion or anything that happens to us it’s as energy, right? So if we don’t have a healthy way release that it’s got to come, you know, turn into some form in the body, you know, we’ve heard that a lot of times emotion can create disease. Well, a lot of times repressed things like shame, anger and sadness can lead to physical weight. Cause it’s literally like weighing us down.
And so like I noticed, for example, with a lot of people that have PE people, pleasing patterns, like just all want to please other people and don’t say no, and don’t have their own boundaries. Like maybe they grew up in a home where it was a little chaotic and you know, they were afraid they were gonna get in trouble. So they just adopted the compensatory strategy of I’m going to be a people pleaser so that I don’t get in trouble. And so I’m liking so I’m safe, but in that their own voice gets suppressed and their own emotions get suppressed and they never had an healthy outlet for their own anger or their own shame or whatever it was. And a lot of times that can hold on as, as physical weight. And so a lot of people have come to me that have tried everything on the physical level in terms of diet and exercise to release weight.
But it’s just not going because it’s really emotional weight and with the protection thing. So, you know, if someone’s had a history of abuse or, um, someone has felt like they, they weren’t safe. A lot of times that way kind of protects them because it makes them feel unattractive on some level and consciously we go, why would I ever want to feel unattractive? But if you never felt safe to be seen, or you had abuse in your background, then having that weight on sometimes feels like your body’s protecting itself. So I just think we have to be willing to look at if we are holding onto way, what kind of the emotional component is because I feel like we know when I work with people on weight release, they have so much judgment and they make the weight so wrong and the weight is the enemy and the body is the enemy.
But if you can really look at, Oh my gosh, this extra 20 pounds, extra a hundred pounds, whatever it is, it’s actually served me. It’s actually been the way that I protected myself. It’s been the way that I’ve dealt with my emotions. And, and thank you body. Thank you weight for being here. And now I’m going to try to learn some new ways. I’m going to start to like, learn how to express my emotions. I’m going to learn how to speak my truth. I’m gonna like go back and heal those core wounds when I felt like I wasn’t safe so that I can start to release this way. Is this making sense to you?
Oh my gosh. I’m my mind is blown right now because so many things that you’re talking about are very personal to me. Um, but I think there’s so many people that are going to be able to relate to this. Yes, it does make sense, but I’m just kind of, uh, you know, taking it back. Cause you’re really, you’re really, really good at what you do. So like, I, I I’m, I’m, I’m speechless. Like you’re, you’re just kind of blowing my mind here and I know people listening will be mind blown as well, but no, it makes perfect sense. It really does. And I, one thing I’ve been picking up on that, you’ve saying, and I never really thought about this is talking about weight release instead of weight loss. Like you’re not losing the weight, you’re releasing the
Right. Cause you don’t want to find it.
I love that. I’ve just never thought about like, it’s just maybe just a, you know, it’s just the words we use most of the time, you know, weight loss, like I want to lose weight. So I like that. I like the weight release instead of weight loss.
Yeah. That was something. When I was in getting my master’s in spiritual psychology at USM, that was something that the professors there talked about because you know, a lot of people had that as an issue. And um, you know, one, one was talking lose this weight, lose this way. And Ron, the facilitator, there was like, why don’t you use the word release instead? And, and one, it kind of released just has a better, it has more freedom to it. Um, and it also kind of gives us the experience of not having to fight because I think so, so much of wanting to change our body comes from the place of something’s wrong with it. And psychologically, whenever we come from that place that something’s wrong or something’s bad about me, it makes all change harder. And this is important for a weight release or anything you want to change.
You know, I emphasized to my client, all my clients, like nothing is wrong with you. You are not broken. And, and this was a huge part of my story. Now, one of my, the biggest ways that I got off antidepressants and I’ve made the changes that I’ve had is I didn’t come from the place of there’s something wrong with me. I came from the place of, this is my life’s journey. I’m holding complete as I am. And I want to just live more into my full potential. I want to move toward feeling good, not away from, um, you know, I’m bad or I’m wrong. So we’ve got to come from that place of self love and self acceptance. And we can’t make our acceptance conditional on how we look.
Yeah, that is so true. You’re, you’re preaching to the choir here. I’m a big, I’m a big fan, especially after doing my Fitbit to fit journey. My eyes were opened, right? I didn’t, I couldn’t connect to clients on that level. All I knew was, okay, let’s change it. The meal plans let’s change up. The workouts is focused on the physical. Let’s help you with weight loss because that’s all I knew my whole life. I grew up my entire life in shape until I did this crazy journey, right. Of gaining weight on purpose and gained since five pounds in six months. And then I had to realize I wasn’t my body, there was more to me than what my body looked like. And I freaked out for a period of time and not knowing who I was like wanting to tell complete strangers, Hey, I don’t really look like this.
This isn’t normally what it looked like. Like, you know, here’s, here’s my website, you know, um, I kind of freaked out for a little bit. And then I slowly started to realize, man transformation is so much more mental and emotional than I ever thought. And then that’s where the lessons were learned. And now that’s what I try. And, uh, that’s what I try and teach people, uh, more on the mental and emotional side, physical side. You can find meal plans and workouts and, and, and those kinds of things anywhere. And we all know that we need to do that, but the real battle, the, how you make it a lifestyle change is, is overcoming your mental and emotional challenges. And there’s not one size fits all eight week program that you, you know, here’s, here’s your meals and here’s your workouts that you go through. And that that’ll change the, those mental and emotional challenges that you’ve been struggling with struggling with for years with decades. Um, so I know that the mental emotional side is, is the most important part, um, for helping people transform their health. But it’s, it’s all in one. It’s the physical, the mental, the emotional, the spiritual, all of those have to be balanced and healed. Um, instead of just, you can’t just heal yourself only physically and still be suffering mentally and emotionally, like it has to be one, um, all-in-one does that make sense?
Yes. 100%. And I think that was so courageous that you did that because it just, you know, you, you, you can speak from a place of experience, which is where so much empathy comes from. And I think that that’s, you know, another important thing to keep in mind about when we’re releasing weight is unless you really can identify how the weight has served you, it becomes harder to let go of, and people will listening will be like being overweight. Hasn’t served me. Like, I hate this, this like, awful, but back to you, like it has it’s, it’s protected you in some way. It’s been a way that you’ve dealt with emotions. It’s been a way maybe food has been a way that you Suze soothe yourself, or it’s been only one of the few ways you’ve gotten pleasure or stress relief. And so we have to find other ways to meet those psychological and emotional needs. And so it’s really having a dialogue with our body and being like, okay, wait, like you have served me. You’ve protected me. I’m gonna, I know that I need to find a new way to gain protection or a new way to find self-soothing or a new way to find pleasure, because unless we find a way to do the job of what the weight was doing, it becomes more challenging to lose. So really getting honest with ourselves and coming into that place of compassion and seeing the weight as, as an ally rather than enemy.
Yeah, that is awesome. That is so true. Um, man, I love all this stuff that you’re saying. Um, I kind of wanted to shift gears a little bit and ask a little bit of a selfish question because I’m a dad of two beautiful daughters. Uh, they’re seven and five and you know, I love them dearly. I’m learning so many lessons as, as a dad and, um, it’s hard work. It’s, it’s really hard, but at the same time, I just, you know, I love my girls and I want to protect them. Right. So going back to your story a little bit, and this is what triggered it, you know, you came from a loving household, but at the same time, your parents can’t protect you at school. Bullying could happen. How does one as a parent help their kids go like go through that? Um, so that their kid can learn how to deal with it and, and overcome it instead of, you know, it could mess them up for the rest of the life, you know? And I don’t want that to happen. And I know I can’t control it. So how does a parent, you know, help to prevent that from happening or help their kid work through it? Uh, any tips or have you coached people on that before?
Yeah. And that’s a tough one. Cause I think the, the most impossible thing as a parent is to see your child suffer. Yes. Um, it’s yeah. I can’t even imagine I’m not a parent yet, but I, I can’t even imagine what that feels like. Um, you know, the closest I can get is my nephews. I was talking to my sister last night and one of her boys is going through something and I could just feel my insides just like, you know, uh, so it’s, it’s a couple things, you know, it’s, it’s, it’s one knowing that, you know, every, every child, every person, like we all have our own kind of life, life lessons that we’re here to learn. And that like, no matter what, everybody’s got to go through some grit, everybody’s got to go through something because as human beings, we learn through contrast.
If your child’s life is perfect and you protect them from everything, they’re not going to be set up for the world. You know, they’ve got to have some adversity, they’ve got to have some failure. They’ve got to have some times where they figure some things out for themselves. And so, you know, that the encouragement I give to parents is to remind their children consistently that the whole, like it’s not happening to you. It’s not happening for you. Like what are you learning to really hold the space for them to process and release their emotions? I think that one thing that I see some parents do is they’re uncomfortable with their own child’s emotions. So they want to console them as soon as possible, instead of really letting them have a really good cry or letting them have a mini temper tantrum. You know, I, my, my teacher Mona Miller, um, one of my Sacramento, it was my second session with her.
I was complaining about something, probably my boyfriend at the time. And she walked out of the room and she came back in the room with a humongous pillow with duct tape around it, a tennis racket, and two gardening gloves. And she said, put on this, put on these gloves, grab this racket and, and beat the crap out of this pillow and scream. And I was like, what? And she goes, baby, you are so angry. And I said, I am not angry. And she said, you are angry. And, um, so I hit it and I gave a couple of wimpy little things, and then I really got going and I was like, Whoa, like I was really angry. And I think it’s important for parents to, you know, give their children a space, to get their feelings out, to be like, okay, I see you’re really upset.
Go to that. You know, those, um, foam noodles that you swim with, like your kid, one of them and let them hit a pillow with it, let them have their feelings about it, let them let it out instead of just wanting fix it. And that kind of brings me to the second point. Don’t fix everything, help ask questions so they can learn how to fix it. And the other thing is to help them understand that people are, people treat other people the way they treat themselves inside. Yeah. So how can we not personalize things? How can we understand someone and have compassion for someone at the same time speaking our truth and speaking up and not blaming someone else, but by saying, you know, I don’t like it when you do that to me. Um, and I think the final thing I’ll say is just kind of creating that space where your kids will tell you anything and I’ll share something personal here.
You know, something else happened to me when I was younger and I didn’t remember it until years later, but I didn’t, and haven’t told my parents yet. And one of the main reasons was because like, I didn’t want to feel they’re upset about it. Right. Like I knew that they’d be very, not at me, but I knew that they’d be very, um, saddened by it and I’m okay and I’ve dealt with it. And so you want to create that space for your child to be able to come to you with anything and not let them see you fall apart, go fall apart with your counselor, with your spouse, like behind closed doors with your friends. Yeah. But it’s like being aware that you’re the parent, they’re the child and not letting them, of course let them see your vulnerability. Of course be compassionate. But if they feel like they can’t tell you things, because you’re gonna be so worried about them, they may tell you less. And so it’s really keeping that, that open door with them,
Man, this is such good stuff. I’m definitely taking some notes here because you know, I do want to be the best at, and it’s, it’s just natural to want to take away all their pain. But at the same time, I know that that those are the most powerful learning experiences is when you, you know, fall down and get hurt. Right. You get, you have to learn from that. And, um, I guess it’s just finding that balance of, um, you know, being, uh, you know, a little bit of a balanced approach of, uh, compassion and understanding and, and soothing them. But at the same time, letting them go through hard things. So, um, which kind of leads me to my next question of, um, of people who kind of self sabotage themselves. Does that make sense? That’s probably self sabotage themselves, but you know, getting over their inner critic.
Cause I think so many people are so hard on themselves and this is the metallic mentality that I grew up with. And I talked to you about this before is like, Hey, if I beat myself up enough, if I hate myself enough, that’s going to make me be better. And that was a lie that I grew up with and it came from sports, it came from religion. For me, I’m like, Hey, just discipline yourself harder. And then you won’t ever do those things again. And you want her to make those mistakes. It doesn’t work in life as a man or female, it doesn’t work. But I think so when people still suffer with it, cause they’ve been doing that for 20, 30, 40, 50 years now, how do they break through those kinds of a negative self talk, especially when they don’t see the results they want to see, uh, for example, like trying to transform your life and you know, I’m not good enough. I’m not making any progress and they start comparing themselves. What are some things that they’ve, you’ve seen that have helped some people in those situations?
Well, the thing about being hard on herself is it’s effective and that’s the tricky part because if I’m hard on myself, like if I, you know, judge my body every day and tell myself I’m fat and blah, then that’s going to get me to the gym. And so it’s effective. And so that’s why it’s so hard for us to let that inner, to tame that inner critic down and also it’s brain chemistry. So repetitive thoughts create these neural nets in our brain. Just like if I drove the same car down the same path, every single day grooves would form a path would form. And I wouldn’t have to think that clearly about steering the car. But if I wanted to go a different direction, I’d really have to focus on creating a new path. And we have to do that with our thoughts so that we can create these new neural nets in our brain.
So this is the difference between being motivated and driven versus inspired. If we are consistently hard on ourselves, we have a lot of motivation and drive, but it’s not sustainable. And enough is never enough because that inner critic is so loud. So my two sort of practical tips are number one, when you notice the inner critic kind of going, and this is a technique I teach in expectation hangover on the mental level, I kind of use a metaphor that your mind is like a horse. Like it’s like this galloping galloping horse, but your awareness as the writer, you have the rains. And so although the mind may run out of control at times, cause that’s just what the mind does. And the mind is kind of, kind of wired for negativity because our survival mechanism is always looking for what could go wrong. It’s that awareness that goes, Whoa, just like a rider, dies and pulls back on the reins and redirects it.
So if I notice my inner critic going and going and going, I will just go stop literally out loud. Sometimes I’ll say it I’ll be like, stop, stop. Not like stop Christine, not like the speech teacher, but like with a lot of compassion, just stop or you can do this internally. If you’re at work, some people don’t think you’re crazy and you can just say, stop. This is not my direction. And say something loving, like I’m doing the best I can, or I’m grateful for my 10 toes. I see that a lot of people try to do selfless. They try to go from being so negative on themselves to using these affirmations of I’m the most amazing person in the world. Um, and, and that’s a hard path. I call it a pendulum swing. It’s a hard leap for the mind to make if you’re so negative.
So just get to I’m doing the best I can. I appreciate that. I’m trying yes. Today was better than yesterday. Like whatever it is so that you can start to rewire that Bray like drive the car different directions. So stop. This is not my direction. The second thing, and this is another tip in the book and I love this and it works really well is to get a picture of yourself when you were little like two, three, four, or five, something like that. And if you don’t have one, you can draw one or, you know, ask your parents or something. Most of us can get at least one picture of ourself when we were a little, even a baby
Facebook wasn’t around back then. So we can’t
Like real, a real photos, you know, but get a picture and scan it, keep it on your phone or keep it nearby. And every time you notice, you’re really super mean to yourself. Look at a picture of yourself when you were a child or a baby and like look into your own eyes and just really be aware of that. So you’re being mean to, I have found that this works really well, psychologically and emotionally, cause there’s something about, it’s sort of like why we can’t be mean to children, you know? Um, there’s something so innocent there that it brings us back into our heart. And if we look at a picture of ourself, when we’re like hat one, the inner critics having a rampage, um, we can sometimes just move into that place of compassion. And it really does. It’s a pattern interrupt. So with all these things, it’s it’s pattern interrupt.
Um, that the final thing I’ll say, which isn’t so much of a pattern interrupt, but it ties back to what I was saying about weight is you want to have like a little conversation with your inner critic. You could even set up two chairs in your house to do this and just be like, okay, inner critic. Like I know you’re here to serve me. Like I know you have like a good purpose. Like most of our inner critics are there because they want to help us. So it’s like, what, what’s your highest purpose? And how can I achieve that without you being so hard on me? Because again, we’re afraid to let go of our inner critic because we think we’re not going to be motivated. Wouldn’t think we’re not going to be successful. We’re not going to get stuff done. So we’ve got to like give the inner critic a new job description. We can’t fire it completely. We just have to give it a promotion.
Yeah. Oh my gosh. Um, that was really good, Christine. Um, uh, I’m not gonna lie. I’m just totally being totally honest. I almost started crying when you were talking about pulling out a picture of yourself as a little kid. Like that’s really powerful to me. And I think that’s really powerful for other people as well as you’re being mean to you. But if you look at yourself as a little kid, would you say these kinds of things to yourself? So that’s a really, really powerful, um, I think that’s, that’s a great, um,
No, you’re a little boy, my little everybody listening, like they’re still in there and the more we’re mean to ourselves, the more we disconnect from that part and the harder it is to tap into our intuition, to tap into our heart, to tap into our joy and our play and our connection. So it’s like, yeah, that’s who we’re being mean to you? You know, I have one, I have a certain picture, um, and that I have, and I have, I have one on my nightstand and then I have a scanned on my phone. And whenever I, when my inner critics are it’s going on a rampage for a psycho stop, that’s not my direction. I acknowledge myself. And then I look at that picture and I apologize to myself.
Um, that’s really cool. I think that’s, that’s, um, that’s really powerful, I think for people to, to learn. And I’m definitely going to, um, um, tell people about this because I think it’s, it’s something that is, can be very powerful when it, when it comes to helping people overcome, you know, issues from their childhood and things that they just, especially men like, it’s like, uh, you know, I don’t cry. I work out kind of mentality, you know, uh, but every guy or girl has a soft spot in their heart for, I think themselves as a kid and, you know, cause you’re so innocent as a kid. So thank you for sharing that. I really, really appreciate that. Um, I kinda, I kinda got caught me off guard cause I had this next question I was going to ask and then I totally got sidetracked with that.
But um, I think to what you’re saying though, it’s super important for people to find that balance of, of using inner critic for positive, for good. Right. Cause I still think there there’s, there’s something to say for the discipline side of things, right? Like S like being disciplined and, and find that balance of being a little bit hard on yourself. Like, Hey, you can do this, you can do hard things, push yourself. Right. Go harder. But also, you know, Hey, I did the best I could and I still love myself and I’m worth it and I’m not broken. Right. So the balance of those two things, like not getting rid of the inner critic completely, like you’re saying, but just kind of being the observer of those thoughts for a second and, and realizing, you know, this is here to serve you instead of
Yeah. Well, I think it’s, it’s really transforming the inner critic into an inner coach. Yeah. Because I’m definitely encouraging with my clients. I am consistently telling them you can do this, but I don’t tell them, you know, you really sucked at that. Like that was where they all fall and you should be ashamed of yourself and everybody else is doing it so much better than you. I would never say that. And the things we say to ourselves, we would never say to people we love. And so it’s, it’s really transforming that, that inner critic to, to that inner coach.
Yeah. Okay. A really quick before we go. Cause we’re running out of time here. Um, I kind of want to ask you, cause I didn’t know you were a personal trainer back in the day. That’s actually a pretty interesting. So what are some things on the, on the physical side that you’ve learned over the years that have helped you kind of maintain a good health, right. In balance with the mental and emotional and the spiritual, what are some or tips that you’ve learned over the years that you like where you’re at today with exercise nutrition that really helped you?
Well, first of all, the body is a messenger. So I think that the biggest hack to my own self care has been taking full responsibility for my emotional state and my relationship with myself. Um, doesn’t matter how much I work out or drink green drinks. If I’m not being nice to myself and taking care of myself, my body’s going to talk to me in some way, I’m going to hold onto weight. I’m going to get sick. Something’s going to hurt. Right. So, so always looking at my body’s always a messenger. And for me, um, you know, some of the hacks for me have just like finding exercise that I really love, you know, that challenges me and that I really enjoy doing. And I really look forward to and I’m, I’m a growth junkie. So I’m always like looking to learn something new. Um, that’s one of my hacks with working out is like, I, I will, I’ll get a trainer, I’ll take a new class.
Like I’m always doing kind of something new to my body to not like get into a rut. Um, and finding those ways to really like, I love getting my heart rate super high and doing interval training and pushing myself rather than like sitting on the elliptical for 45 minutes thinking I’m doing something right. So it’s more like those kinds of things. And then I balance it out. Yoga is a huge part of my life. And I think that that’s another thing that’s really helped my flexibility and helped me be able to do the hard workouts is I do pretty advanced, strenuous yoga with, with, um, everything from Vinyasa where I’m, you know, going through these strong poses to more yin classes where I’m holding stretches and things like that for a really long time. So that’s been really huge. And then in terms of, of diet, you know, one thing that I’ve really learned is the importance of intermittent fasting.
So going at least 12 hours to get my digestion and just my whole system, a break, I try for 14, sometimes 16, but going at least 12 hours of, of just of just water and just giving my body that break and finding the food that, that works for me. Um, you know, I know from my body like gluten and dairy and those kinds of things, like my body, doesn’t really like those things. And, and it’s not just my stomach. It’s, it’s my mind. Like I think a big reason I struggled with depression for as long as I did was my mind does my brain does not like gluten. Um, and that was a big part of my diet when I was a kid. So, so just finding those things that, um, that worked for me and of course the cold shower.
Yeah. It’s the culture that’s so funny. Um, okay. Really quick before we go, um, a couple of last like rapid fire type questions, just to get to know you, what’s your favorite movie of all time?
Oh, I don’t have one. Okay.
Okay. What’s your, what’s your, the, the, the best movie you’ve seen as of recent one that comes to mind if you even watch movies, which I’m assuming most people?
No, I definitely, um, okay, so I’m going to screw it up. It’s either hidden figures or hidden treasures. I think it’s figures. I just watched it. It was about the three women that were sort of like not ever seen or acknowledged and NASA until later there were three African American women and just like their story and what they did at NASA was like, it, it, it was such an empowering movie about like, I’m a Bay people ask me like how I’ve become successful. And I’ve said a couple of things, but one of my answers is I’ve just become masterful at what I do. Like it wasn’t about this app or this social media launch or this, that, or this, that it’s like, just get really good at what you do and love it. And those women embodied it and eventually they were recognized for it. So I think that, that, that was a really inspiring movie for me.
And what was your, your, uh, the last book that you read that you fell in love with?
Actually, the last book that I read that I loved was big magic by Elizabeth Gilbert. It’s all about creativity and find in tapping into your creative genius. And she talks about having a love affair with creativity and, um, just the process of creativity and how it looks for each of us. And I just, I, and I love her style. She has such a great writing style, highly recommended.
Okay. Big magic. You said magic. Okay. Um, and then what is your favorite dessert or favorite treat? Chocolate chocolate. That is super easy. And are you, and what’s your favorite alcoholic beverage?
Well, red wine and really amazing glass of red wine. Okay. You’re red wine person. I like white and Rosie too. But you asked me it’s different. Like if we’re sitting on my deck in the afternoon, you know, it might be rosy. Like, it just depends on the mood, but we’ll, we’ll say wine.
Okay, cool. No, and I’m, I’m the same way, you know, with, with wine, but also with music when people are like, what’s your favorite music? I’m like, well, it depends on my mood. Like if in that moment, if I’m on, if I’m doing this or that, I like this type of music when I’m doing this and then this type of music when I’m doing that. So I totally get it. Well, Christine, before we go, where can people connect with you? Work and people, cause I know people are gonna want to use your services or read your books. Um, where can people find you online and social media?
Thank you. So Christine, Haslers my website. I send out a blog and blog every week where I teach you something. And then my podcast is called over it and on with it. And that is where I coach people live on the air. Um, the books are expectation, hangover, 20 something manifesto and 20 something, 20 everything. And you can find those Amazon bookstores wherever. Um, and then I have a membership community too. That’s um, Christine Hassler slash.com/inner circle. And then I’m on all the social. I have my favorite social media platform is Instagram. I’m Christine. Hassler on, I love Instagram. I’m on Facebook and Twitter too. Um, Facebook is probably my second favorite. So if you wanna follow me on either one of those, I’d love to interact with you with you there.
Yeah. I follow you. And I like following you, so everyone go follow Christine. Thank you seriously. Sunlight’s once again for coming on, um, and never cried on a podcast and you guys can’t see it there, there were some tears, but anyways, I’ll talk to you offline about that, but thank you seriously. Thank you so much for coming on.
Thank you so much for having me.
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