All right. What’s up everyone? Welcome to the fit to fat to fit experience podcast. I’m your host, drew Manny Lynn Manning. Thank you guys for tuning in to our podcast today. We have another great episode with the most quoted man alive now that’s pretty, uh, the most interesting man in the world. Steve Mora, bully, you’ve probably seen his quotes, you probably quoted his quotes. You probably used his quotes and posted on your page. You’ve seen us post them. Um, Steve’s been very influential in our lives, helping us with our transition, you know, going through our, through our own issues and our divorce and finding, you know, getting in a better place emotionally, spiritually. And so I reached out to him and I was like, this guy seems awesome and everybody’s quoting him. And I just reached out to him on Twitter actually. And he responds, they drew him. Big fan of you and Lynn and you know, I follow you guys and you know, I’d love to come on the podcast. I’m like, wow, this guy’s really accessible. And he even talks about that. He, you know, his phone number has personal cell phone numbers on his website. You guys,
that is insane. He is such a inspiring, amazing down to earth person. Um, you’ll see during this conversation that we have with him, he has such a eloquent way to put, put things in order to inspire us. Um, and when he talks about how we all put our life on hold, that was a big, actually even for me, aha moment during this interview. He’s such an amazing person. You’re in for a gym. I pretty much took over this podcast,
two words cause it was just so inspiring. Yeah. But that’s the thing is he dropped some, some knowledge bombs. We kind of let him go off and just preach pretty much like he’s, he’s so full of motivation, inspiration, but stuff that really resonates even with us. Uh, you know, I know most of this stuff is for, you know, people that are trying to lose weight or they’re trying to transform their lives. But you know, we’re in the same boat, you guys. And so a lot of the stuff that he says is, is for us personally, but I think a lot of you guys will resonate with a lot of the stuff he says. He, you know, we talked about the walking dead and he has a great analogy for that and so many other great analogies that he brings up. Um, very, very great speaker, um, full of a lot of wisdom and I think you guys will really love his story.
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yep. Thank you guys. Thank you to our show sponsors who make this podcast possible. But for now, let’s go hang out with Steve [inaudible]. All right. What’s up everyone? We want to welcome to the fit to fat to fit experience podcast. Steve Mora, Bali. Not, did I say that right? Steve? Steve. Maribel. That’s right. Is that Italian is Italian? It’s Italian. Last name. My parents are Italian and Chilean. Okay. Gotcha. So do you think I said it wrong on my Snapchat and he’d go back? I think it’s more a Bali. It gets hacked a lot.
Yeah. Well cool. Thank you so much for coming on the podcast, man. Honestly, it’s a big honor to have you on Lynn and I have been fans of yours for a long time and um, so it’s really cool to get you on the podcast.
The honor is mine. I appreciate, I appreciate what you two are doing. I followed Lynn’s journey through through Europe and I follow your fitness stuff and I’m, I’m, you know Pete, we text drew and I text and uh, and I’m always about to ask you some fitness stuff, but I knew I’m going to do this, this podcast. So I’ll ask you because if I have the question, so does everyone.
Yeah, no, it’s all good man. I appreciate that. And that’s what’s so cool about you is I had just reached out to you I think on Twitter and, and you’re cool enough to respond back. And so I appreciate that man. Cause I know you’re a busy guy.
I’m a busy guy, but this is what I do when people go to my website and they see the phone number and they call it, that’s my cell phone. Oh just call me. Did you want people on that? That’s a lot of people on this podcast and that’s fine. It’ll go to voicemail. Sometimes I just, I’ll, I’ll be sitting at an airport and I’ll just start calling people back. This is what I’m, what I’m here for. It rom Dass who was, who was this great, uh, spiritual mind, uh, in the early, uh, in the sixties, seventies and eighties. He said, he said, look me up in the phone book, I’m under dos. And I always thought that was really cool how accessible he was. And this, this new guru mindset where you have all these gurus who are really unaccessible, they only contact you when, when they’re selling their products for me, uh, no, I want to be accessible. I’m you. I’m everybody. I’m going through life like everybody else. So yeah, if you call I answer. And when you message I answer that is, that is, I had no idea about that
bold. I mean I reached out on all respond on Twitter and Facebook, Instagram, social media, this email. But yeah,
that’s really funny too. Cause actually I started following Steve a couple of years ago and I just, I can’t remember how I came upon his quote. I’m pretty sure somebody on Instagram had just simply tagged me in one of his quotes that really just resonated with me. And I started looking through his page and he has just such amazing insight and wisdom and he puts, he puts ideas and concepts and thoughts together just so well and eloquently. But I remember the first time I commented and you responded back, I remember being like, Oh, he responded because we get that from people too. Like, Oh my gosh, I can’t believe you responded. Of course I responded, you asked me a question or you made a comment.
We reach out to Steve. Yeah, I’m a, I’m a dude on long Island. I’m 41. I’m on long Island. I’m living my life like everybody else. Navigating through it, the ups and downs and, and those quotes are, those are my heart and my blood on paper. It’s just me. The experiences I have, the experiences I have through, you know, the past 20 years of coaching, uh, some of the great minds of the world, some of the great business minds, athletic mind. So if the world coaching them and speaking with them and seeing their twists and turns as well, and, and applying them to my own ideas, philosophies, and lives. And I’m really fortunate that my words resonate with so many people. Yeah. The most quoted man alive. That’s,
yeah. And the biggest, I mean, I could talk and ask you, I could talk to you for hours and asking you so much about just because you have so much insight and like to me it’s, it’s wisdom. When I read so many of your, your quotes and thoughts, like where if you had to attribute to that, where does that come from? Is this from life experience? Is this from different, you know, right. Yes.
To all of that. I like to roll around in life. I like to experience the length and breadth of it. And it sounds cheesy, but I really learned that day to day living. I feel like, I feel like I kind of live an entire lifetime every day. And, and so it’s, it’s a, it’s a heavy way to live, but it’s an honest way to live in the sense that I refine improvement, enhanced every chance I get. And in order to do that, you, you have to roll around in your stuff, not just the good, you know, a lot of people recognize the brighter the light, the darker the shadow, right? But, but they hide from that shadow. They try to seem perfect or they try to, and, and I, I roll around in that when I do something wrong, I’ve been the perpetrator and victim of so many things, you know?
And so you roll around in that, you roll around on the times that, that you were cheated on or you roll around the times that you were the cheat you roll around and that stuff and say, well, how can I adjust this? How can I fix this? How do I, if I don’t like feeling this way, what is it behaviors that led to this? And then looking, you know, looking in that mirror and taking accountability, accountability is huge. And if you can share that with other people, uh, you’re, you’re, you’re kind of, um, you’re showing your humanity to them and it, and it, and it resonates with them because they feel this idea that they have permission to, to be, to show their own humanity. And, and for me, that’s, that’s beautiful. Yeah. I like one of your quotes that kind of goes along with what you’re saying is, you know, sometimes I wrestle with my demons, sometimes I like to deal with them. Right? Yeah. Crap.
Like, yeah. How are you from it? It’s better to embrace it and learn from it. Yeah. One of the things, you know, I had a really amazing meditation teacher talk to me a little bit about this because he was like, you know, you kind of like we were saying like you have, you have both of it. You have the light and you have the dark, and you have the joy and you have the pain. He’s like an, every time you get to the sadness or the pain you block, he’s like you just block it cause you’re like, Oh I don’t want to go there. But the fact is is anytime you, you’re avoiding that, you’re avoiding your demons, you’re avoiding the pain, the hurt, whatever it is, the anger you’re, you’re in a sense like stopping it from passing through your body. You’re more stuck in it because you’re not actually embracing it.
But when you embrace it and allow it to just pass through you to own it to, to just like you said, snuggle with it, it actually passes through you quicker. It doesn’t get run from it. You chain yourself to it. Right. Exactly. And so that’s a really beautiful concept that you share with people. And that I’ve learned over the past couple of years that has really helped me to kind of move forward through all of us struggle with certain things. You know, our stories and walls and if you really want to move past it, you have to move through it.
That life isn’t always in in like life, enlightenment, wisdom. These things aren’t always so poetic. It’s sometimes it’s a big fat kick in the ass. And that’s just the way it is. Sometimes. It’s my big brother. So my, I have an older brother and so my mom got sick and she was in the hospital for a year before she passed away. She got sick and I stayed in the hospital with her for most of that time. And I don’t know if you know about hospital food, but they have healthy options. I chose the broccoli cheese soup, which was so good and they gave it like with this loaf of garlic bread because this is New York, right? So it was so good. And after the year of eating that, um, when it came time for mom’s funeral, my clothing apparently shrunk in my closet. And so this happened on this shirt and the shirt was like crying, you know, their shirt was in trouble as I tried to button it. And so I asked my, my older brother something I’ve never asked anyone before and never asked since. But I asked him in this moment of insecurity, I said, Hey dude, um, does this shirt make me look fat?
And, and being the big brother that he is, he said, nah, dude, the way you eat makes you look fat. And I thought that’s brilliant. I’m going to come back to that later. That’s brilliant. And, and taking that accountability and that wisdom that comes from that, sometimes it isn’t so poetic. Sometimes it’s just literally that truthful kick in the face. Like wow, how does life change when I own it? As opposed to not only avoiding it but then doing, doing what most people do, which is Ninja pointed everyone. That’s so funny, man. Yeah, sometimes, sometimes we need this. Sometimes people choose to be offended by that and have, you know,
yeah, I would say that I say, I’d say the biggest difference is people’s, uh, the intention behind where people come from. Cause the fact is, is the people that that tell me something really honest and direct from the space of love, like my close friends and family, I take it from the space of love. You know, the people that are on the internet spewing hate or judgment, I know that, that they’re in their own shit. You know, and I don’t, I don’t take it offensively cause I’m like, you know, the fact is is whether it’s good or bad, what people say about me online has more to say it has to do with them than me. When people are like, you’re amazing, you’re inspiring. I’m like, you know, I’m just a mirror. Whatever you’re seeing in me is just a mirror reflection of the great qualities in you. And same for when people are bashing other people. What people see in each other is really just a mirror. It’s the, you know, the reflection of what they need to work on or what they see in themselves. So you can’t really take the good or the bad. You just got to realize it’s just someone else’s perception. Right?
Yeah. I mean that’s the truth. And it’s all going to how it affects you is, is actually an indication, a status bar of how you see yourself. You want to know if you’re, if your self perception is healthy or not, it what matters is how you respond and reflect on how, what other people say about you.
Yeah, I’ve learned that. Yeah, I’ve learned that, um, in many ways personally, you know, several years ago, depending on what somebody said, it would sway me. I’d be like, Oh, they love me, yay. Or Oh they hate me, I’m so sad. And now it’s, I really realized, you know, I work on striving to be the best person that I can be and I work on myself and regardless of what people see or what they say doesn’t make any difference. And so yeah,
now on the internet could have you in fetal position if you look at some of that stuff. And so you have to learn that. And at the same time you could also start thinking that you’re this guru and that’s just a, you know, on both sides you have to really be careful and keep a healthy state of mind. And that’s why I say I think that that, that kind of mindset where you just, okay, let me see, let me take this day. Let me be good at what I’m good at. Let me refine, improve, and let me get better at what I’m not as good at. But stay focused on positive things and keep that, that healthy, healthy, not only a self image, but a healthy lifestyle. In other words, staying aligned with, with what’s good for me and keeping away from what’s bad for me. Keeping away from what and who is bad for me and maintaining that. You’ll be surprised at how much your life will change just like that.
Yeah. You, you have so much, you know, obviously great insight about yeah. Wrestling, you know, self self-love and, and working on yourself and relationships. Of course. I love all your relationship quotes. If you had to pick a few books that have really inspired you, that you have felt are life changing. Obviously your, your book is amazing, your quotes are amazing, but books outside of yours, what ones have influenced you the most to
be where you’re at? I think quote books in general. That’s why mom, all my books after quote books, my books aren’t books you read from cover to cover. If you do, you’ll be so bored. It’s not, it’s not that I call them bathroom reader. My books are bathroom readers. You open them to a particular page and you’re surprised at what you read resonates. I don’t re, I don’t write them cover to cover. They’re just, my books are very similar to our social media pages, just all in one spot where they’re just ideas that sit by themselves. I’m not a long winded writer. I’m not, I’m not that guy. I’m not the guru guy. I don’t, I don’t want to write from beginning end. So quote books inspired me because I get the best of Mark Twain, the best of Emerson, the best of the row.
Mark Twain’s personal life was a disaster. I don’t want to read that. I want to read his insight when he w when, when his life went to, Oh crap, what came out the next? That’s what I want to read. When Emerson and Thoreau said, forget society man. I imagined that they talk like that. Like hippies, right? When him Emerson and Thoreau went, forget society man, let’s just go out into the woods and live in their cabin. Weirdly when they decided to do that, I want to read what led you to that? What was the, what was the spark behind that? Insane idea. That’s what I want to read. I don’t want to read a long winded story about cleaned up story about your life. I don’t want to read that stuff. So anything, anything that’s that’s short and to the point. I love the Lord long winded ones by the gurus who, who will tell you you must transcend the ego but like on the cover is like a picture of them with like a halo.
Like those types of things really don’t, don’t appeal to me. They’re long winded, intellectual masturbation and I’m just not into that. But the small ones, the small ones that are quote books from Twain, Emerson Thoreau, meditations by Marcus Aurelius, here’s a guy who took over the known world and then quit, still unfulfilled and did like a reflection journal that became really the, the big, this startup of what we call stoicism. It really became the start of that. And I modeled my books after that. My books aren’t written for anyone. They are my personal notes and journeys. They’re my personal notes to myself. The times that I praise myself, the times I crap on myself, the times I’d take insight on things I did well, the type I take insights, that things I did poorly and then when I get enough together, we clean them up and throw them in a book.
And really what you’re reading is my journal. Hmm. Wow. That’s so cool. So what was your spark then, Steve, that at what point in your life were you in high school, middle school, college? When did your spark happen to where you’re like, I think I want to go down this path. I was like 10 and I don’t know how you two are, but I was like 10 years older than 10 10 they used to, it didn’t matter what was commercials they played on what shows. So I was watching like Scooby doo and like there were these these for like Dianetics like the guy who started Scientology would have these commercials and they’d play it during like Scooby doo. So I was mesmerized watching Scooby doo and then suddenly there would be, this commercial would come on and be like, what if you could change your life?
What if everything that was happening was all in your head? Right? So I was like, who am I? God, what if, so they were talking about this particular book and so I went to my mom and I said, mom, I want to buy this book. What if everything in your life is just in your head? And my mom answered with a resounding ideal Smeal. And then after that, after that she, she was like, alright, you can take your allowance money and go buy that book. But also again, I was raised Italian, Italian and Shalane. So impossible. Two things are impossible. One me to stand still while I’m talking and to not being raised Catholic. So I was raised Catholic and after a hundred signs of the cross, my mom let me get that book. But she also made me start reading the Bible, right? Like this is what you get with ten-year-old.
So I started reading this stuff and none of it really clicked. I thought it was interesting. None of it really clicked. I started reading like little quilt books when we’d go to like the local pharmacy, you know, I like to check out, there’d be like those little books for 99 cents and it’s like these little quote books and I would buy them and read them. And as I got into a high school, I was still, I was still doing that kind of stuff. I was still reading. Uh, one of my dad’s clients had passed away and, and the town I grew up in, it’s like really, really wealthy people. And then the people who service the really, really wealthy people. So my dad was in, I was a contractor, painter, did whatever he had to do. And so one of his clients died and left him his library probably to just throw out, but those books home.
And I didn’t know then, but I know now I was reading this stuff, successful people read. And so I was reading meditations by Marcus Aurelius thinking, grow rich, how to influence me. I was reading this type of stuff. I was going to school and failing everything at home, home reading, Marcus Aurelius, but going to school and they wanted me to read of mice and men and I said, no, thank you. And I was reading about Socrates and Plato and Aristotle and I was going to school and side note picks were so much prettier than Socrates and Plato and Aristotle. So that was kind of distracting as well. And I, I really didn’t do well in school. I, I think I failed lunch. I w I didn’t do well in school, but you get this idea that this enlightenment and wisdom is, is going to hit you like a ho.
Right. But it doesn’t do that. Now when I graduated, barely graduated high school, I signed up for the military. I served in the air force military police for four years, and I was such a genius air force. Basic training is in San Antonio, Texas, and this genius signed up for July. So, so I go down there, it’s 125 degrees and they March you in blacktop because they’re really compassion in it. And you go through this stuff and, and you get into this fall. Basic training is the same stuff, different day, same crap, different day. It’s attention to detail, attention to detail is what they call it. And it’s really the same schedule every day. And you get into this fog where you’re just going through the motions, you just kind of just existing, right? And on one particular occasion we were all getting something wrong again.
It’s foggy, it’s hot, you’re dressed up like a tree, they’re marching you in black act up. And the drill instructor was furious with us and he said, well, Truong withdraw. Oh, get in formation. So we get in formation. There’s 60 dudes on the black top in San Antonio, Texas. Information locked up straight and strong and he’s pacing back and forth and he’s like, what’s wrong with y’all? I know, say pop, pop, say pop again. So here we had all these dudes going, pop, pop, pop. Do you know what that is? That’s the sound of your head coming out of your eyes.
And that, that was my moment. That was my hope because at that moment I was 18 years old and I said, yes, same crap, different days, a lie. I don’t have to be great for six weeks of basic training. I just have to kick today’s ass. I just have to do amazing right now. I have to, when they do 20 pushups, I got to do the best 20 pushups I can do and move on to the next thing. Let that die, then move on to the next thing. And it really kicked in all the stuff that I had been reading, all of this mindset stuff that I had really reading kicked in and I finished a kid who barely graduated high school. I finished basic training as an honor graduate and an expert marks. And in a rifle, I’m from long Island, first time I ever held the rifle and I was an ex expert marksman.
I went on to police Academy again, honor graduate expert marksman and I had four years in which I re I got more metals in four years. And most people getting an entire career and all by following this idea every day, make every day count, every day, every day, every day. And I think that that was, that was the moment that really kicked in, that same pop moment really kicked in. And now I really dedicate my life to have giving other people those those moments. So those ideas of transcending that idea of existing into living and, and happening to life instead of letting life happen to you. That’s so cool. And that’s what happens is people will read one of your quotes in it pops. It’s that spark. And then that’s what people resonate today because it’s, it has to do with their own life experience. And then they share it with everybody. And
I know that’s what’s happened to me personally as I’ll read one of your quotes, I’m like, Oh my gosh, this dude has lived in my life is gonna to know,
make it about me. I make it about us and that’s, that’s, that’s why the, if the longer the quote, the more diluted it is no longer the quote. The more you’re making it about yourself than you are about everyone else and so I try to, I write something down and then I minimize it. I refine it and prove it like I do in my life. I make it simple. How can this apply to everyone? Because everyone’s going through this. Maybe they’re not standing in San Antonio, Texas, maybe it’s not a hundred degrees, but they’re going through some shit that you’re going to help them through. They’re going through something and they have to recognize that this is what happens. People always ask me, Hey man, you watch, you watch the walking dead. Yeah.
All day. Every day
they, every day I watched the walking dead and they even speak to each other. They say same crap different day. They say it is. What it is. They have a language where they say, easier said than done. They have mechanisms to keep them in the mental prison that they’re in a prison that’s worse than regular prison, by the way, because at least in regular prison, you can see the bars, they keep themselves in a mental prison and they defend it. They defend it. Easier said than done. Of course, everything’s easier said than done. Everything. There’s not a thing that isn’t easier said than done, but wanting something’s easy saying something’s easy. The challenge and the reward and the change is in the doing.
Wow. Yeah. And and, and really, you know, so many people. It’s so funny. I was just talking to a friend about this last night. So many people are living their life like that. Empty, like a zombie. Never in the moment. They’re not even present. They’re not paying attention to what’s going on around them. You know, it’s interesting. I had a friend say something to me along, so I’m going to paraphrase it, but along the lines of, you know, you’ve lived more in the past year than I have in my entire life. And I’m like, then wake up, you know, wake up. I’m like, go, go for a walk in a park near you. Don’t take your phone and actually be there. Be in that park, you know, smell the flowers, look at the sky, look at the wildlife around you. Actually be in that moment. Living isn’t this, like you said, it’s not like this. Oh we’re like, I suddenly just one day woke up and I had this crazy enlightenment that I should live life. It literally, it just like you have these experiences from being in the moment and from living in that present moment and you just start to live and then it’s contagious. Like once you start living you, like you were saying every day, just being there in that moment, in that day, in that space. Once you experienced that, it’s hard to do anything else.
It is. And most people don’t, don’t have that experience. They always project forward. So they more about a celebrity’s life than they do their own. Wow, that’s true. You know, so they’ll, they’ll, they’ll watch something and they’ll say, they’ll say, Steve, I just don’t have that time. And dude, you just told me about four shows that you watch. Like how, imagine if you took that time, if you scheduled your own life, like your schedule, watching someone else’s life, and if you were just do that, you wouldn’t feel so empty. You wouldn’t feel you’d have this comparative emptiness. It’s where you’re watching the best of like watching people’s social media and thinking, why isn’t my life like that? Well, you’re only watching a fraction of it, first of all. And second of all, that’s the question you should be asking yourself, not anyone else. Why isn’t your life like that?
What are you doing differently? Why are you going through the same motions? Why are you treating yourself in a way that you would never want anyone else to treat you? Putting yourself on hold if you called. Do I have another minute? Because now you guys got me started. You have plenty of minutes. So if you call, let’s say, let’s pretend that cell service isn’t always reliable and let’s pretend the companies that provided aren’t always reliable. So let’s say there’s an issue and you have to call one of your, whoever your cell provider is, and so you call them and they answer and they say, thank you for calling. Your call is important to us. Please hold for the next representative, right? So then you get that thing and then they put on the worst music ever and you’re just sitting there. Five minutes go by and then it sounds like someone’s going to answer because it ranks and guess what you get?
Your cool is really important to us. Please continue to hold and you’re just like, Oh man, all right, whatever. 10 minutes, go by, 15 minutes and you start thinking like, I can’t how? How come I’m on hold for 15 minutes? Like I just have a simple question. How come it doesn’t take you 15 minutes to cash my check? How come? And you start thinking that kind of stuff. Here comes again. Please hold. Your call is important, right? And your, it’s 20 minutes and you’re about to like, that’s it. I’m going on social media. I’m telling everybody that this phone, this sucks. This company is the worst. I’m telling everyone 25 minutes and you’re thinking like, I’m going to write a letter to the CEO, like they will hear from me. This is incredible. If they make you hold for 30 minutes, you are now thinking irrational. You’re so furious that you’re like, I don’t, I don’t even need a phone. If I think about it, like I don’t even need this anymore. I’m going to throw it. And it’s not like you’re going to put it down and never pick it up again. You’re having fantasies of throwing it against the wall like you want to destroy. I don’t need it. I’m going back to the stone age. Like you start thinking all this irrational, crazy shit for 30 minutes on hold and rightfully so, but you’ll put yourself on hold for years.
That to me is crazy. People will tell me they’ll take w w w we’ve taken, we’ve changed it. We’ve changed a little bit. Uh, our, our, our, the way that we do our social media. So there’s, you’re seeing more of me on social media. Used to be just the quotes, but now you’re seeing more of me. We’ve got projects going on that that that needs to happen. But I always find it interesting that if I, if I post a picture of, of myself, uh, exercising or going through something, someone will comment, always such nice comments and people saying like, Oh, I can’t wait till the fall. I’m going to start here right after Thanksgiving. I’m going to go train. Like I’m thinking you would lose your mind. If a company puts you on hold for 30 minutes. You’re telling me in August that in November you’re going to start exercising.
You would never accept that from anybody else. Yet you do it to yourself constantly in so many ways and you live this on-hold life and the people who are living this on hold life, they’re the ones who say, Oh my God, it’s Friday already. Oh my God, it’s October already. Oh my God, it’s 2017 already. And you realize that you have put yourself on hold. And even though you’re blaming everyone else for the death of your goals, even though you’re blaming everyone else for the death of your happiness and your ambition, you’re blaming everyone else for murdering those things. When the reality of it is most happiness, most ambition, most goals, die of suicide, not murder.
Mike job. Oh yes. Amen. Amen. You know, I, I know we can, we can end on this note. We can, no, I, I mean I, that just resonates so much with me and you know, we share a similar concept in, or at least I do. I know in health and wellness, I say to my clients all the time, you know, women come to me all the time and one of my, one of the things that kills me, it’s my biggest pet peeve, is women putting down how they look. You know, it’s, it’s all, it’s constant. Women are constantly saying, I’m ugly. I’m fat, I’m worthless. You know, nobody will love me. I’m not lovable. And I always, and I, I go back to that too. I’m like, you would, you would never say this to someone else. You know? Who’s your best friend? Oh Stacy. Okay. Would you ever tell Stacy she’s fat and she’s worthless and nobody likes her and she’s not pretty. You know, I’m like, you know why you are doing this yourself? You are slowly killing yourself and taking away all of your own self worth. And then you often reflect and blame it on everyone else in your life. Like if my job was better, if my kids were better, if my spouse was better, if my relationship was better, I’m like, no. If you were better, if you were better to you,
you’re setting the standard. So when someone else tells you those things, when your ex tells you those things, he’s a sociopath and a narcissist. But when you tell, when you tell yourself those things, you’re brilliant. And that’s just not way that that works. And you’re, you’re teaching people how to treat you. You’re setting that standard. So here you are saying every new year’s resolution you break, every time you say you’re going to go back to the gym, you don’t go. Every time you say you’re going to skip the Apple pie, you don’t skip it every single time you constantly, anytime you take, you’re in, you’re in a crappy relationship. Anytime you say, I’m not taking this from them anymore, you still take it. You constantly break promises to yourself and then you’re in awe when other people break promises to you. That’s ridiculous.
Yeah, and so one of the biggest takeaways for my clients, you know people that people that real reach out to me, I think they expect, well actually if they’ve been following me for awhile, they don’t expect probably the meal plan in the workout per se. But initially that’s what people think. Like, Oh I have this problem. What I do, and I always go back internally, I’m like, you need to start by treating yourself right, by putting yourself first, by living in the moment, by prioritizing your life so that you are important. And like you said, that you don’t put your own life on hold and they think, no, no, no, no. What’s my meal plan? What’s, what’s my work? No, all of that. If you start putting yourself first, if you stop putting your life on hold, all you will be able to obtain any type of physical goal that you want. That’s like a byproduct.
The less you say, the happier you’ll be. And so when you can filter through that self-processing bullshit and, and when, when clients will come and say, Steve, I want to lose weight. Well, let’s not talk about it. If you do, you will. There’s nothing to discuss here. You’re not going to sell me on the nonsense you sell yourself. If you want to, you will. If you want to better yourself, you will. Let’s go through the process. You’ll, you’ll show me. Don’t tell me. Show me. I don’t want to hear. I’m listening to nonsense all day long. I’m just regurgitating lies that people tell themselves all day long. Just stop. I got my own shit. Let’s, let’s, let’s just, let’s see if you want to, you will, when you want to. You do when, when, when I don’t set out when I, um, I signed this, this deal too.
I’m really fortunate that, that a, a major motion picture company wanted to do a documentary about me. So when they contacted me and said, yeah, okay, so we’re gonna, we’re gonna film it in August. And this was in, uh, it was in the one of the winter months. I said, all right, this is great. I saw it. It was happy, excited, and I was also about 35 pounds heavier than I wanted to be. And so I didn’t make an announcement saying, hi Chelle now lose weight. No nothing at all. I, my announcement will be the action itself. And if you spent a day with me, especially those initial days in which I was starving and envisioning diving into a pool of Cheez-Its and those side note, why our cheese, it’s so free and good. But anyway, but, but yeah, and so taking that action. So the most powerful thing you can tell your clients is shut up.
The most powerful thing you could tell them is when you’re talking to me, listen, because what you’re doing is replaying the lies you tell yourself the difference is, I’m not listening. If you want to do this, let’s do this. Here’s the map, here’s the goal. Something you would tell your kids, right? I want to do better in school. Well, when you do, you will stop telling me this. I want to clean my room. You don’t have to tell me that when I walk in and your room’s clean, I’ll know you wanted to clean your room. And so we, we know these things structurally when it’s outside of us, but we have been conditioned on the inside for numerous reasons, whether it’s, whether it’s a theistic mindset that we tend to have, we’re hopeful creatures or, or the fact that for as long as media has been around, we’re being marketed to by a bunch of, by a bunch of well-wishing gurus that are teaching us things that are simply aren’t true.
And, and so those type of things have, have conditioned us to a mindset of, of language instead of a mindset of action and it, and the best thing you can do for your clients is get them back into a, uh, a purposeful action as opposed to the poetry of language. And here’s the cool thing I like Steve, is that we all know with your quotes, you talk the talk, right? You talk the talk, these amazing quotes that resonate with people and it motivates them. What about for yourself? Do you, because now you’re walking the walk, you’re losing the weight, you stop down the Cheez-Its, uh, you’re filming your thing right now. Um, what helps, what helps to motivate you to walk the walk? Um, do your own quotes help you sometimes or, I’m always talking to myself. I’m never talking to anyone else. So I’m, uh, I’m my books, my books, my quotes, my podcasts, whatever it is you’re hearing a conversation with myself.
And life always gives you the opportunity to practice what you preach. And so I wasn’t, I wasn’t preaching fitness and then gaining weight. I had just gained weight because I traveled the world and everywhere I’m invited to, they want to impress me with their great restaurants and food is amazing. I have such a great relationship with food. Food has never called me names. Food has never left me all day, like food has never made me sleep on that couch. Like I have a great relationship with food. So, but as soon as I switch and I say, Oh, well I need to, this is where I need to be for this movie. Then there’s no, although I’m envisioning a pool of Cheez-Its, I know enough about the brain and behavior that I know that that’s just the sign of a healthy brain. It’s never, it’s never a problem.
It’s never got me on the ropes where I, I’m going to dish respect myself enough to to fall into that. I did for a long time, but not anymore at this point. I love myself enough to be what I love my self enough to want. That’s awesome. So tell us a little bit about your fitness journey. How did you do it? What did you get a trainer? You started doing MMA? I saw that. But um, I was always doing MMA. I stopped eating three slices of pizza every time I walked in the pizza place. I and, and you know, so I stopped with the cheeseburgers and the endless beer and scotch. Um, so I just made the adjustments. It’s again, it’s, it’s, it’s math. Everything’s math and science. So it’s not a mystery. I just have to deal with that. And your brains habitual. So a healthy brain, an unhealthy brain is gonna request unhealthy things.
And so, um, you just navigate through that, you know, the honesty of knowing that for all the accolades it gets sometimes follow your heart is really bad advice and that’s true with your brain and when your is making a change. So when you’re making a change, your brain is going to request unhealthy things. No different than when you’re in a crappy relationship and your brain is like, come on, maybe they’re going to get better. That’s really, it’s really just not it. That’s just a healthy brain that doesn’t want to work. So your brain actually designed for efficiency is designed for efficiency. And that’s great news if the efficiency’s getting what you want, but it doesn’t define success the way you do. That’s why your brain will let you eat yourself to death. It’ll let you smoke yourself to death, it’ll let you be a meth head to death.
It’ll let you do that. It’ll let you gamble away your house and still want to gamble more. That’s your, that’s a healthy brain. It just doesn’t, does, it doesn’t define success the way do it defines success by the less it works. So when you want to do something new, you’re causing your brain to create new passages and it doesn’t want to do that, which is why you can set the plan, you can join the gym, you can do that kind of stuff. And then your brain is still like, come on man, you got, well I will start Monday, Monday we’ll start training like Rocky bow ball. But for today it’s all, you can eat wings at the local pub and you know, your brain’s telling you that. Um, but you just have to know I can’t follow my heart right now following my brain right now is bad news. Even though every cell in my body is rationalizing why a Cheeseburger’s a better idea than going to the gym. I need to know that I’m going to go to the gym and set these gauges. That’ll help me get there.
Yeah, I mean I was just going to say, cause you know, a lot of times we operate on habit. When you talk about being zombies, a lot of times what we do day to day is just, it’s what we’ve done. It’s the habit. And with all my clients, cause I preach, I preach a lot about intuitive eating and intuitive exercise, but anybody that works with me or that has read any of my thorough posts, like I always talk about, you have to kind of go through a detox phase. Like you’re saying, where you’re, you’re kind of ignoring that initial instinct because it’s the old habits. It’s the old unhealthy habits that are just like guiding you. There’s a story, right? It’s the story. It’s the habits. So you almost have to go through like a detox phase of, of like you said, pushing through, doing what you know is healthiest and then you’re in a healthier space to maybe to guide yourself better of what to eat. Like, do I eat cheeseburgers? Yes. Do I
eat chocolate? Sometimes, yes. But I also don’t binge eat. Like I used to when I used to be crazy extreme following an extreme meal plan that was detailed. I was like, okay, this is what I have to do. Telling myself I can’t eat that. It’s bad for me. It’s going to make me fat. And I would emotionally Benji constantly. And now that I’ve gone through, you know, years of, of working on myself and then also of course the detox period where I did want to eat chocolate every day. I can go a whole week without eating chocolate because I just don’t crave it at that time. And then, you know, some weeks I eat a little square every day, just it’s different.
It is different. It’s a healthier story. And we have to remember that we’re, we, we’re telling ourselves a story. So there’s this thing is called the the egocentric paradigm paradigm that cognitive scientists talk about and and, and the reality of it is 100% of your entire higher life is experienced in your mind. 100% it turns out that Lynn is a story you’re telling yourself. Drew is a story you’re telling yourself, Steve is a story I’m telling myself and they’re not sure why we wake up as ourselves every day. It’s called the persistence of self. They’re not sure why, but they know that you do and they know that that story changes. If you have small brain degradation, that story changes. So you, we’ve seen it endless times. If you go to a senior citizen center or something where people, they forget, these are my kids, they forget.
I’ve seen people who have been smokers for 50 years on, on Monday and on Tuesday they forgot they were a smoker and they don’t even crave it. And the slightest brain degradation debts that froze. So for whatever reason, you’re a story you’re telling yourself. And if that story is is habitual, which it is, again, a functioning brain is an efficient brain. That’s why the brain will almost default to that wall King dead. That’s why your brain is happy when you drove home and don’t remember the drive. Your brain is happy when that is, but the conscious life and one of the brain hacks is to persistently ask yourself questions that just to persistently say, does this help or does this hurt? Does this help me get to where I am? And if the answer is no, you can go, wow, I’m being fooled by my own brain because it wants this cheeseburger. It wants to go back to her or him. It wants to go back into that thing. But when I ask myself, does this hurt, does this help me get to where I want it to be? The answer is no. I have to fight those impulses and do that enough times where the new impulse is a healthier impulse. That’s good advice, man. That’s real. That’s really, really powerful stuff, man. I’m a nerd.
I know, but I like it. That’s what makes you so effective. And that’s one thing I had to learn honestly from my Fitbit to fit experience was when I made the transition from six months of cinnamon toast crunch and mountain Dew to all of a sudden eating healthy again. My brain was fighting against me and that’s one thing I realized with my clients is they were telling me, look, I just can’t. I tried to give up soda, I but I cheated again, I didn’t follow your meal plans, drew. I’m like, why is this so hard for you? Just do it just, it’s not that hard. I made that transition myself and for me, I couldn’t understand why me as a personal trainer, here I am eating healthy spinach and kale again and then my body wanted the cinnamon toast crunch and mountain Dew for two weeks. It was literally held to go through or my body was telling me go for those unhealthy foods and I’m like, no. Why is my body telling me that when you know it’s going to make me feel better to eat these healthy foods and the long run. But in the short run, it was hell and it opened up my eyes. It was humbling and it’s something I needed to go through to better relate to my client.
Well, you’ll see that. You see that we’re walking bags of chemicals, right? So we’re walking bags of chemical impulses and we’ll want to become conscious of those impulses. We call them feelings. And so we realize that there are that. But what we do as a society is we structure them differently. So we have different cognitive relationships with these things. So when it’s a meth static, when it’s a meth addict, we say when they’re freaking out because they haven’t had their meth in there, they’re going sober or whatever it is. We’re like, Oh wow. Yeah, they’re freaking out. Of course, fight it, man. Your body wants it, but fight it. You’re having withdrawals. Fight it. We know it when it’s drugs, but when it’s a person, the mechanism is the same. You miss them just as much as that meth addict mismatch. Even though meth is ruining their life, that person’s ruining your life. That behavior is ruining your life. You miss them the same way. It’s the same mechanism, but where we structure it socially differently as we know the method we say where you’re having withdrawals. When it’s a person, we say we miss them, we change the language, but the mechanism is the same and that method will do the same damage that that person or that food might be doing. But we structure it differently so we don’t see it as clearly.
Hmm. I love that one of, uh, a really good, uh, thought or quote that I was reading within the last couple of weeks, talked a little bit about that, about how in relationships and that craving, that intensity when you miss somebody and it kind of, it wrapped it back around saying, you know, what, if what you really miss is you, you know, you’re taking, you’re going outside of yourself and putting all of your energy now into this person that you think you missed or that it completes you. But what if it’s, it’s really you, you know, you complete you, you’re complete in and of yourself. It’s not to say you don’t want to share intimacy with someone. Of course you do and you want to share yourself with somebody, but you know when you’re missing somebody, especially in an after an unhealthy relationship, what you really need to go back to or what you’re really missing is that intimacy with yourself. I think that’s a really powerful thing to know.
I think that is really powerful. I think that that, that level of, of personal engagement is so rarely connected. It’s only a few people who will, who will understand themselves and get to that self-empowered place where they can really put everything else in perspective. The rest of the people are really going to section things and society does have a tremendous impact on that. And you know, for, for women, you talk about the women who come to see you as clients, you know, if they turn on a TV, internet ad, whatever it is, a hundred percent of those things are designed to make you not feel good about yourself. So they can sell you something, right? They can’t sell you a life vest unless they can. They, they first convince you you’re drowning. So most, most people are going to be feeling that way. Most of the people will read things like, we’ll read things about laws of attraction.
By the way, I’ve been in science for two decades. There is not a law of attraction that’s, and it’s not, that’s not how that works. It’s not. And we know that everywhere else in life, if you, if you came home, if you Einstein said, nothing happens until something moves. If you came home for some reason, you’ll accept it. We have, again, hopeful spirits, hopeful brains, right? So we’re projecting things. We create a storm, worry about ourselves so that we can take in the data and other nerd stuff, right? So we’re, we are projecting forward, but for some reason we always have this, we have this kind of spam filter for thoughts in our brains. But for some reason, when thoughts are presented as something theistic or religious or spiritual and context, it bypasses the spam filter. Even though we wouldn’t accept that thought anywhere else in life.
So we’re told that, Oh, you have to do is hold a strong intent. You ever notice how the extra spiritual people whisper as if like, as if like if they, what if they spoke regular voice the world or blow up. But anyways they say, Oh, you have to do is hold a strong intent. Right? And meanwhile when they’re done telling you that they go on a 13 city tour, hold on a second. Why are you working so hard? And you’re telling me to just hold an intent. I remember being and seeing this when I was younger and going to church again, the Catholic church and they would say things like, Oh, you’re stressing about money. You want some more money? Pray, pray, go drop to your knees and pray. And through windows of abundance shall be open unto ye. But, but then they hand out a basket.
But like, boy, wait a second, wait a second. How come when I want money, I gotta pray and the windows of abundance open unto ye. But when you want money, you know, you better hand out that damn basket. Yeah, because I mean actions speak. So that works is dead. And so, so Hey, nerd points for quoting the book of James Strong, strong. So, so you go to this thing and imagine, imagine your listeners, folks who have teenagers out there. So imagine you go into your kid’s room, right? And a kid’s a mess, like a teenager’s room. Looks like a bomb. Hit it, right? So it’s a mess. You go in there and you say clean your room. Well yeah. Okay mom. Okay dad, you closed their door, you go about your day, you go, we’ll do some more stuff. You go in and hour later, an hour later and the room is still a mess.
But your kids sitting on the bed in the Lotus position and they’re like, yo, chill out ma. Chill out dad. I’m holding a strong intent that the room shall be clean. I even have a vision board with pictures of clean room. You’d be like, what? No, get off your ass and clean your room. You know, everywhere else in life. But if it’s presented to you in a spiritual way, you apply the most nonsensical ideas to your life and you wouldn’t accept it anywhere else. And so the way that we structured the stories we tell ourselves are vital. So when your clients come, you have to understand that what they have is a limiting story and your job, the way that you can function really help them the best is to help them change their story. And I really feel that that’s why people resonate with the quotes because it makes them look at their story and it gives them a safe place where I’m not bullying them into it, but they see where it affected my life and they’re willing to change their story. You change your story and everything changed.
And I think it’s teaching people like I do believe in, in, in tent and I do do things like meditation, but when you really get into a good mindset, you realize it’s intent has action. When you have real intent, there’s action behind it. Yeah. You can’t just sit and go, well, I want to be, I want to be healthy and I want to lose weight. And just because I’m saying I want it, it’s going to happen. It’s like, no, you know when you really want it, like you said, action, action. You don’t even have to say it. Actions show it doesn’t happen. You happen. You happen. Yeah.
So, and that’s what happens there. There are endless articles on how intense and how meditation, how prayer can anesthetize and even affect your prefrontal cortex. That’s not the negation. Then negation is that it stops there and people are convinced as to live these impotent lives because they think you should just stop right there. You, you don’t, you have a, you have to, you have a stronger intent. You have to track it with your energy. You have to demand it with your actions. And that’s what happens. You can have, you can, you can do endless articles on intent, prayer, meditation, beautiful. And again, science will prove that they do a Nesta size in many ways. However, we can’t. The most effective life is a life that bridges and marries intent. The ether, the spiritual with the human, with the very real universe that we live in.
And so that our subject, we’re at the molecules in motion. So we are subject to the laws of physics. We can’t ignore that. So we can’t ignore the fact that prayer, meditation, all those things are beautiful. And for yourself, they are incredibly, uh, not only a nest, the sizing, but empowering things to do. But we cannot ignore the fact that if your mission is to burn calories, that the person praying and meditating for a week, vision boarding, doing all that stuff for a week and you get the other person do 10 pushups, the pushups are winning. And so we can’t negate that. So we have to know that one thing gets your mind, right? The other thing gets you right here and there’s endless theistic or backing before that, understanding that principle. You can read things like there’s a Bible and see it in a completely different way.
See it in a completely different manner where it is. It can be even seen as this, this, this book on physics almost. Hmm. Interesting. Powerful. Yeah. I like that. Think about it buddy. So you take this Jesus dude, right? So here’s Jesus and he, you’re constantly told by everyone, um, that your salvation here is, is dependent on your ability to, to read and understand these scripts. There’s, and you go to these buildings, you do all that stuff and I respect that. However, it’s not lost on me that this dude wasn’t a author. He didn’t write anything. Why are you paying so much attention to words? He didn’t write a thing. If that was what was important, I think he would have written something, but he didn’t. He only wrote one thing in sand and it’s not about what he wrote because you don’t know what he wrote. It’s about why he wrote the rest of this whole thing is action oriented. 100% action. Even when his disciples asked him, Hey dude, how do you do this? How would they were basically asking him about success? You said ask and it’ll be given. See, can you show fine. Not going to be going. It’s not lost on me that when this dude was asked about success and impact and influence, he gave ask, seek, knock. He gave three verbs.
It’s not lost on me. So you, you have to, if you apply that in your life, take action in your life, you watch it, it, it comes alive with splendor and you realize what you can actually get accomplished in a 24 hour period.
Yeah man, we could, okay, we’re going to have to do another episode with Steve when his documentary comes out and share with people how they can watch it cause we could talk to you for hours. See. But one of the biggest things, one of my biggest takeaways from the show and listening and of course we’re going to have you tell everybody where they can find you and find your book and things like that. But I’m, is just to, is just that about action. Like if you take one thing away from this podcast, I want it to be what we talked about of how, don’t put yourself on hold. Okay. We hate that. Don’t put yourself on hold and take action in your life. Like if you take one thing away from the show, let it be that. So how do people find you, Steve? Like give people your social media handles and where they can find your book and things like that.
Just Steve [inaudible] dot com or if you even start getting Steve Merrill Bali, right on Google, you’ll find me. Yeah. Awesome.
And you can find them on Instagram everywhere and
find me. You got an issue. Yeah. There’s a good chance anybody you’re following on social media is quoting Steve all the time. Yeah. Yeah, but, but remember in all of that, remember that I’m, I’m a dude in long Island. I know I’m doing it just like you are and, and, and on my social media, you’re not going to see all the times I got hit in the face. You’re not going to see all the times that I got rejected. You’re not going to see that because that’s not what social media is, but it is what life is. It is what my life is and it’s, and so know that you’re not alone when it comes to that. It’s not about winning or losing. It’s about recognizing that that’s life. It’s got the ups and downs stays strong. Nothing that’s affected you has killed you. You’re still alive, as stubborn and strong as you are, you have a history of victory. Get up, wipe yourself off, show up and kick this day’s ass.
Love it man. Thank you so much. They appreciate that. Well, after when you come out here to Logan or you know, if you have a few minutes we’ll have to meet up with you and get a workout in flashed and we’ll get a cheeseburger.
[inaudible] thank you so much drew and Lynn, thank you for what you do and thank you for helping me get the word out there. Yeah,
well we’ll definitely have you on again, so thanks so much. So Steve, boldly, everyone, we appreciate, we appreciate you coming on, man. We’ll have you on again.
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thank you guys once again for tuning into the fit to vet fit experience podcast. We really appreciate you guys giving these podcasts episodes of listen and taking the time to listen to them, share them with your friends. Please do is the enormous favor of going to iTunes, subscribing to our podcast so that you’re updated when a new episode is released each week, every Tuesday. Um, a new episode will be released. You guys and please, please leave us a review. It helps with our ratings on iTunes. We definitely want to stay up there, stay relevant so that we can continue to bring you guys awesome sponsors and awesome guests on this podcast. We hope you enjoy today’s episode with Steve. He’s an amazing guy. We will definitely have him back on in the future. He’s a good friend of ours now and um,
well we’ll bring more of those
he delivers to you guys. Um, to stay in the know. Please stay in touch with us on social media. Um, please sign up for our newsletters. Mine. You can just go to fit to fat to fit.com and the newsletter is right there on the homepage. Same thing with Lynn’s website, which is to fit@home.com and she has a newsletter there as well. And all of our social medias at fit, fed, fit and at to fit at home.
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the end. Thank you guys. We’ll see you guys back here next week.
